Go.
I still am not a mother, but somehow having my cats gave me the feeling how it was to be a mother. I remember one time in 2009, my cat gave birth on my bed in the middle of the night, and being a first time mother, she felt somewhat lost. That moment, I also felt I gave birth, too, and kitten - though it died a few months after - treated me like its own mother.
I guess motherhood should come with lots of courage. Courage to face what the future might bring and the courage to pull herself together when things don't go as how she wanted it - especially when the "offspring" dies. When my kitten died, it really took a while before I was able to move forward because I invested a lot of emotions and saying goodbye was really painful.
As painful as it was, everything was just beautiful - the good and the bad side of it. Sleepless nights, the days I try to feed the kitten, the times I had to disinfect my skin because of wounds cause by it claws - everything really was beautiful. I may not be the kitten's real mother, but the experience made me feel a different kind of happiness, and though as a "mother" I needed courage, looking back how wonderful everything is made it all worth it.
Stop.
I still miss my little Juno... and I still shed a tear every now and then, but yes, I mustered the courage to move on and just devote my love to my other baby cats.
*** Jenn ***
