I welcomed 2011 with so much optimism, but I guess the year wasn't yet ready to welcome me. I didn't have that much problems, but I admit I was still affected with how a person, whom I considered a friend suddenly just spread a nasty rumor and naming me as its source. Actually, I was already ready to forget about it, until I learned she did it to me twice.

Could it be my own karma, or was she just really like that? Well, I remember last year, I was so pissed at her that I expressed how I felt about her and her choice of actions, but I also told that no matter how pissed I am with her, she is still my friend. As humans, we are allowed to feel upset at our friends, right? If I am being "punished" for feeling disappointed about her, then I guess I am guilty. However, I also have come to a minor conclusion that she really just have a bad attitude towards certain things. I learned how plastic she could be - dragging and burning my name in one day, then talking to me and telling me I am one of her most important friends on the other. If I am one of her most important friends, then why do that?

You suppose I should just put up my wall and not make friends anymore? For a person who's so trying hard to be positive, receiving a blow like this makes me feel I am back to square one.

Is she still my friend? I guess not anymore. I would still be civil with her, after all, I didn't confront her and she doesn't know I am upset with her, but I will be distant. I don't want to give her any reason to use my name again.

People around me told me things like this one is a good revelation of who your real friends are. I so agree with that. I am thankful that one of her victims (who is also a friend of mine) didn't believe the rumors, and that she protected me by saying I couldn't do such a thing (spreading rumors). I know it's quite juvenile - we are now in our 30s, but I guess some people just don't grow up.

I am closing this chapter now, I don't want it to be the tone of my 2011. I may have lost a friend, but I am still young, and I'd still have lots of friends, who are as real as real can be.


With that, here are my final resolutions for 2011:

• Have a close communication with God - that means having my own prayer time, read the bible, pray the rosary, attend the Sunday Mass.
  
• Allow myself time to wallow on certain things, but I have to realize sooner that life goes on, and it won't stop just because I got hurt.
• Be a little vain. Hmmm... that actually means, give my physical self a little attention.
• Learn new things.
• Read books.
• Show my mom how much I love her and how important she is to me. It doesn't matter if it's through actions or words... just show.
• Take more risks.
• Conquer my own demons. This will be difficult, but I have to.
• Trust my instincts and have faith in my own talents.
• Learn how to make a stand.
• Inspire people.
• Strive in making myself a better individual.

January is just the start of 2011. As they say, if you don't like what you're seeing, look at it at a different perspective. It may not be a good start, but I still have 11 months to make 2011 the best year ever.

Aja!

*** Jenn ***

ps - the necklace and the ring are my mom's, I just borrowed them to use here.