Last of the I Love Me series for Girls Talk. This week, it's all about emotions.




When it comes to the emotional aspect of my personality, I am still a work in progress. Growing up, I was ridiculed much by many people that I tend to hide in my shell and wallow. It was difficult for me to process criticisms, that sometimes good constructive criticisms would generally mean negative. When I was much younger, I would throw tantrums every now and then, and when I get annoyed, I tend to become violent. A neighbor of ours was the one who taught me that instead of throwing and breaking things in our house, I should just tear newspapers or punch the bed (so that the mattress would cushion the blow). This got me to control my emotions, but as I am, I really tend to be pissed off quite easily.

Then again, I am happy that even if I easily get annoyed, my negative emotions only have 5 minute life spans. Sure I'd get annoyed, I might even throw some rants, but after a while I am okay already. While it's easy for me to be pissed, it takes a whole lot of things for me to really get angry. However, when I do hit my limit, I am really bad. At one point my sister told me she would never, ever want to see me get angry... so whenever she feels I am starting to get annoyed at her, or she did something that would make me angry being her older sister, she would really do something to cool me off (like a treat to this fast food, or giving me some small knick knacks). The last time I got angry? I think it was late 2007, when my mom and I had a great fight. It was disrespectful on my part to blow up on my mom, I know, but I guess I just hit my limit - I have been keeping all my disappointments towards her, that when Pandora's Box was opened, I just released it all. It took brother to calm both of us, because the word fight was so intense, my brother said he might have a heart attack hearing and watching us. On the positive side of things, it did turn out to be a blessing in disguise, because when all frustrations and all negative emotions were brought up, mom and I made up after 10 minutes, and we've been good friends since. I guess the fight was something bound to happen for us to start anew. To explain things, mom and I weren't really enemies prior to the big fight, it was just I was a daddy's girl and brother's her favorite that we didn't really seem to connect and bonded really well. We were close, but there was a distance. That fight bridged the gap. Well, now mom and I are in a very good relationship - after all, she's the only parent I have now. Oh, and for the record, I didn't use any bad words on my mom, I just let out all my "hinanakit" that dates back to my childhood.

When it comes to handling heartaches and disappointments in life, I still am trying to heal myself, but I guess having a psychologist as an ex boyfriend really helped me get started. He really "stayed" with me - even if I pushed him away over and over, he would always say, "Let me hold your hand tighter." Sadly, our relationship didn't really last because he is American, and aside from the problems with cultures crashing, we didn't really get to meet personally (but he is still my good friend, and he's still my shock absorber whenever I need it). He has helped me get my emotions in shape, that whenever I am faced with something negative, I know I can get pass it.

It's easy for me to forgive. I guess having people in my life is much more important than my ego, that when friends or people did something bad to me, I would accept their apologies quickly. Problem is, it's difficult for me to forget, so at times there are pressures, especially when I get to bring up the things they did to me. I still am trying my very best to keep in tune with my emotions. I still get hurt quite easily, but I am learning how to let myself cry once, then move on.

*** Jenn ***